Part 2 – Is This Normal? Understanding Child Development and Effective Discipline

By Alison Potter, MSW, LICSW

Welcome back! In Part 1, we explored normal developmental behaviors and how Piaget and Erikson’s theories help us understand what to expect at each stage. Now let’s dive into practical strategies for managing challenges and implementing effective discipline.

When and How to Seek Help

Consider professional guidance when:

• Behaviors persist despite consistent parenting strategies
• Behaviors significantly impair daily functioning
• Your child seems unusually unhappy or anxious
• Family life is consistently disrupted
• Your parental intuition tells you something’s wrong
• Teachers or other caregivers express concern
• Behaviors are dangerous to the child or others

First steps:

1. Start with your pediatrician for a general assessment and referrals
2. Consider a developmental evaluation if appropriate
3. School counselors can provide guidance for school-related concerns
4. Child psychologists can assess and provide targeted interventions
5. Seek a mental health therapist who specializes in working with children
6. Parent coaching may help develop effective strategies

Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not failure. Early intervention often leads to better outcomes and can prevent small challenges from becoming larger problems.

Many behavioral issues respond well to consistent parenting approaches, environmental modifications, and skill-building. With the right support, children can learn to manage difficulties and thrive.

Managing Child Meltdowns: Effective Strategies for Parents

Understanding Meltdowns vs. Tantrums

Meltdowns are overwhelming emotional responses that occur when a child is overloaded and cannot cope. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are not manipulative but represent genuine distress and temporary loss of control.

Key differences:

Prevention Strategies

1. Identify Triggers and Early Warning Signs

Keep a simple journal noting:

2. Create a Predictable Environment

• Use visual schedules showing daily routines
• Give advance notice of transitions (“Five more minutes before we leave”)
• Maintain consistent meal and sleep schedules
• Establish clear household rules and expectations
• Create visual cues for routines (morning checklist, bedtime sequence)

3. Teach Emotional Regulation Skills (When Calm)

• Name feelings: “You’re feeling frustrated because…”
• Use emotion charts with faces showing different feelings
• Practice deep breathing with visuals (blow up a balloon, smell the flower/blow out the candle)
• Create a personalized calm-down kit with sensory tools
• Role-play difficult scenarios
• Read books about managing emotions

4. Manage Physical Needs

• Ensure adequate sleep (most children need 9-12 hours)
• Provide regular healthy snacks and meals
• Schedule movement breaks
• Limit screen time, especially before bed
• Consider sensory needs (some children need more/less sensory input)

During a Meltdown

1. Prioritize Safety

• Clear the area of dangerous objects
• Move other children away if necessary
• If in public, find a quieter space if possible
• Stay close but give physical space unless physical comfort helps
• Keep your voice calm and movements slow

2. Minimize Communication

• Use as few words as possible
• Speak in a low, calm voice
• Avoid questions, reasoning, or negotiations
• Use simple, direct statements: “You’re safe. I’m right here.”
• Consider using previously practiced visual supports

3. Co-regulate Rather Than Control

4. Support Recovery

1. Reflect (When Everyone is Calm)

• Discuss what happened simply: “What happened before you got upset?”
• Validate feelings: “It’s OK to feel angry, but not OK to throw things”
• Problem-solve together: “What could we try next time?”
• Use visual supports like comic strip conversations or social stories
• Focus on teaching rather than punishment

3. Self-Care for Parents

• Recognize that meltdowns are not a reflection of parenting skills
• Take a few minutes to regulate yourself after a challenging episode
• Develop your own calming strategies
• Connect with understanding support people
• Consider parent coaching or support groups

For Persistent or Severe Meltdowns

Consider professional support when:

• Meltdowns are frequent (multiple times weekly)
• Meltdowns are dangerous to the child or others
• Meltdowns significantly interfere with learning or social development
• Strategies have been consistently applied without improvement
• Your family is experiencing ongoing stress and disruption

Professionals who can help:

• Pediatrician (rule out medical causes)
• Child psychologist or therapist
• Occupational therapist (especially for sensory issues)
• Speech-language pathologist (if communication frustration is a factor)
• School counselor or behavioral specialist

Remember: Supporting a child through meltdowns requires patience and consistent practice of new skills. Progress may be gradual, but with appropriate strategies, most children develop better emotional regulation over time.

Effective Discipline Approaches

Effective discipline teaches children better behavior rather than just punishing mistakes. Here are approaches that respect development while guiding behavior:

Positive reinforcement recognizes and rewards good behavior, which encourages its repetition. This might be as simple as specific praise: “I noticed how gently you played with your sister. That was very kind.”

Natural and logical consequences help children understand the impact of their choices. If a child refuses to wear a coat, feeling cold (natural consequence) teaches better than arguing. If toys aren’t put away, losing access to them temporarily (logical consequence) connects behavior to outcome.

Redirection works wonderfully with younger children by channeling energy into appropriate activities rather than just saying “no.” Instead of “Stop jumping on the couch!” try “Let’s go outside where you can jump all you want!”

Quiet break keeps children close while helping them regulate emotions. Rather than isolating them for punishment, sit together in a calm space until they’re ready to discuss what happened and how to make better choices.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Understanding child development isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about approaching your child’s behavior with curiosity, compassion, and realistic expectations. Every child develops at their own pace, and what works for one child may not work for another.

Trust your instincts as a parent while staying open to learning and adjusting your approach as your child grows. With patience, consistency, and understanding of developmental stages, you can support your child through challenges while building a strong, connected relationship that will serve them throughout their life.

Remember: You’re not just managing behavior—you’re teaching life skills, emotional regulation, and helping your child develop into a confident, capable person. That’s important work, and it takes time. Be patient with both your child and yourself as you navigate this journey together.